I’m ready to retire. Snow falls on snow, here in deep twilight at an inn in old Japan, about four hours' drive northwest from Kobe.Fired into the whiteness of the porcelain cup I hold is a dainty light blue flower. It looks like a dragonfly with blue wings. I take a sip of the water within, then quietly study the cup.
Into my mind come thoughts of life's transience. Like the first sip I took, life's treasures must be savored as they happen. They refresh, but are finite. I take a second sip, this time deeper, more courageously. The blue wings of the dainty flower seem to whisper me on; seem to beg I gulp the final sip and enjoy the full glory of the longer moment.
I do.
The water's now gone. Only remains a wet sheen indistinguishable from the pure white cup. The light blue wings no longer promise to refresh. There's no more water to partake.
Life is shared but for a moment. Bright memories linger, and then leave only transparent essences. In the cold, crisp air of Yubara tonight, the ghosts of all my ex-ancestors all around, I feel their own unmistakable essences mingle with my own former hopes and dreams. All are now but forgotten. I guess I’m alone with the wonderful times my family enjoyed here. Memories flit into my mind, like Cerina and I holding up fingers upon which mid-summer dragonflies once landed and then flew off to eternity. EJ fishing. Monika playing the piano each morning. Stuart in his Scout uniform. Mako laughing.
God willing, there will be an eternity where I might work out my challenges. God willing, there will be an eternity where I can finally “connect” and tell others how much they meant to me. Friend and foe, married or divorced, God willing, there will be a time where I can grasp and correct crazy issues which have caused me to heave my sorrows silently out into far too many dark skies, alone.
But those are the afterbirth. I look down again at the little blue wings. They're still delicate. They're still pretty. But the moment of their refreshment started ending long ago. I came, I drank, and now I see. My cup is empty, coated only with see-through memories. I've experienced the contents. I could be wrong, but I find nothing else makes sense: Life is for drinking up and for moving on. Loving is for Eternity, where we can work at understanding answers.
A page once turned cannot be written upon any more.
Life is shared but for a moment. Bright memories linger, and then leave only transparent essences. In the cold, crisp air of Yubara tonight, the ghosts of all my ex-ancestors all around, I feel their own unmistakable essences mingle with my own former hopes and dreams. All are now but forgotten. I guess I’m alone with the wonderful times my family enjoyed here. Memories flit into my mind, like Cerina and I holding up fingers upon which mid-summer dragonflies once landed and then flew off to eternity. EJ fishing. Monika playing the piano each morning. Stuart in his Scout uniform. Mako laughing.
God willing, there will be an eternity where I might work out my challenges. God willing, there will be an eternity where I can finally “connect” and tell others how much they meant to me. Friend and foe, married or divorced, God willing, there will be a time where I can grasp and correct crazy issues which have caused me to heave my sorrows silently out into far too many dark skies, alone.
But those are the afterbirth. I look down again at the little blue wings. They're still delicate. They're still pretty. But the moment of their refreshment started ending long ago. I came, I drank, and now I see. My cup is empty, coated only with see-through memories. I've experienced the contents. I could be wrong, but I find nothing else makes sense: Life is for drinking up and for moving on. Loving is for Eternity, where we can work at understanding answers.
A page once turned cannot be written upon any more.
Cheers
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